If you want to get out alive.

So what if you can see
The darkest side of me



... been a while. And there's a reason for that. I've been cruising for a few months, and I haven't been thinking about it much. I've been a little too much "in the moment".

Granted, my goal in life is admittedly simple:  to enjoy...  (and live the hell out of)...  my life.  I want to look back, when I'm old (if I even make it that far), and feel like I did it right.  Along the way, I want to be good to the people who are good to me, protect and cherish the ones I love, and build a wealth of experience without regret.  I don't believe I'm on the way to a "heaven" or a "hell", but I do believe in right and wrong, and I'd like to be righteous.  I don't really care about money or fame, beyond allowing myself the freedom to achieve the above while living in comfort.  And also not hating every second of it sitting behind a desk somewhere, as that would ruin the entire thing.

I know I missed the "party" phase of my early 20's completely.  I know I've been in relationships for over 8 of the 10 years I've been in Los Angeles.  I know I didn't have much fun at all in the last year of my most recent relationship, and found myself in an unhealthy place.  But, in 2011, I've been trending back in the other direction.  Too much fun, as it were. 

This is a big city, and there are a ton of awesome, interesting, beautiful, talented, and lost people here.  If the last 4-5 months have taught me anything, it's just how much opportunity I am fortunate enough to have.  There's always something to do, somewhere to go, and you can get caught up in that fact.  I do believe testing those waters is something that's good for my soul.  But I highly doubt I want to go under and leave my skeleton down there, brittle and abandoned.

Bottom line?  I have all the luck, opportunity, and good fortune in the world, so don't take this as whining.. it's plain honesty directed at myself.  Too many distractions.  Not enough time.  Not enough focus.  Stretched FAR too thin.  Somewhat stagnating on my progress towards long-term personal (and professional) goals.  Lacking the ability to prioritize efficiently at all times.  Willingness to give in to what's easy, what's fun, what's pleasurable.  Time to "slow my roll", as it were, and find some discipline.  Putting these truths into writing is a small step in the right direction.

Related to this, I heard some sad news today about the health of a family member I am extremely close to.  You gotta appreciate your life, people.  You need to take advantage of your opportunities for happiness and experience, and you need to seize them with both hands and run as far as your feeble mortal body can carry you.  None of us are getting out of here alive.  Not you, and not me.


Life's too short, so love the one you got.  'Cause you might get run over, or you might... get... shot.


-Adam

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

JUST WATCH IT, ASSHOLE:

I'm BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK.

I bet you thought I stopped being a sissy emo "blogger", came to my senses, and you were done with me here. Guess again!  I was alone with my thoughts, opening a pickle jar.  I also spent a number of nights in the woods consuming American soil and wrestling bears.  If you didn't spend 60 seconds watching the above video, you won't understand.  And, believe me, there really is NO BETTER WAY to spend 60 seconds of your life than watching the Mantage.  You're welcome.

Life is good, life is golden, life is grand.  Life is complicated.  Life is full of boring grinds and shining little moments.  Life probably ends up getting you what you need.  If you're lucky.

Of course, I'm the type who likes to make his own luck.  So the new year is off with a bang.  My fitness goals are in progress, and, after a certifiably crazy-ass end to 2010, I'm ready to hit it again with ferocity.  I need to prove it to myself, not anybody else.  So if you've ever really wanted something and finally felt like you could get there, you'll understand.  If you want to be supportive that helps too.  DO NOT bring me cookies and pizza.  DO ask to go hiking or rollerblading at the beach with me and the puppy.  DO NOT try to seduce, distract, or otherwise intoxicate me so I miss Sunday morning basketball.  DO come and play with me instead!

Scrawny.  Needs muscles.  Please feed lean chicken + Tuna Fish.

In other news, shit is in the works.  I'm slowly getting the guitar action in place.  I will make it happen.   Also investing time in my nerdy organized video gaming pursuits, where I am a gentleman, a scholar, and a noted leader of internet men (and women).  I take pride in it, and I enjoy it.  I probably should have been a military strategist.  Or not.  I most definitely AM a huge nerd.  DEAL WITH IT :)

Finally, thank you to all of my friends, new and old.  I've opened myself up to meeting new people and the response has been nothing short of astounding.  Honestly.  So many cool people out there in the world (and in LA) that seemingly appreciate one or more things about little twisted me.  At least that's what they say.  You tend to forget that sort of thing when you're passing the time getting chubby and sad in a jaded relationship, waiting for something... anything... anything at all.  Eh, I did my time.  I tried.  That's the truth.  I really tried.  At least events conspired to provide me with the circumstances to necessitate protecting myself quickly.  Never good to linger.

Less than zero free time and I feel myself streched beyond thin.  The career is better than ever, almost surprisingly so.  The free time to hang with cool people is at a premium, but I'm giving it the ole college try.  I understand I'm probably sometimes disappointing with my current overall lack of physical or emotional availability, but I do try to be up front about it and keep it copasetic.  The many hobbies will always be there and I try to honor them as well.  And, of course, the puppy puppy, and her separation anxiety, destroying of my possessions, and confusion over her new half-and-half parenting.  What did I get myself into?  As always, my father is rarely (if ever) wrong... :)

"Where you at, Squirrel?  I'MMA COME UP THARR SON"

Yes, blogs are still lame and masturbatory.  But, ideally, mine will amuse you.  If you don't want to laugh with me, there's always the option to laugh at me!  And, finally, get into this if you haven't yet.

NEXT LEVEL BREAKFAST MANUEVER: