If you want to get out alive.

So what if you can see
The darkest side of me



... been a while. And there's a reason for that. I've been cruising for a few months, and I haven't been thinking about it much. I've been a little too much "in the moment".

Granted, my goal in life is admittedly simple:  to enjoy...  (and live the hell out of)...  my life.  I want to look back, when I'm old (if I even make it that far), and feel like I did it right.  Along the way, I want to be good to the people who are good to me, protect and cherish the ones I love, and build a wealth of experience without regret.  I don't believe I'm on the way to a "heaven" or a "hell", but I do believe in right and wrong, and I'd like to be righteous.  I don't really care about money or fame, beyond allowing myself the freedom to achieve the above while living in comfort.  And also not hating every second of it sitting behind a desk somewhere, as that would ruin the entire thing.

I know I missed the "party" phase of my early 20's completely.  I know I've been in relationships for over 8 of the 10 years I've been in Los Angeles.  I know I didn't have much fun at all in the last year of my most recent relationship, and found myself in an unhealthy place.  But, in 2011, I've been trending back in the other direction.  Too much fun, as it were. 

This is a big city, and there are a ton of awesome, interesting, beautiful, talented, and lost people here.  If the last 4-5 months have taught me anything, it's just how much opportunity I am fortunate enough to have.  There's always something to do, somewhere to go, and you can get caught up in that fact.  I do believe testing those waters is something that's good for my soul.  But I highly doubt I want to go under and leave my skeleton down there, brittle and abandoned.

Bottom line?  I have all the luck, opportunity, and good fortune in the world, so don't take this as whining.. it's plain honesty directed at myself.  Too many distractions.  Not enough time.  Not enough focus.  Stretched FAR too thin.  Somewhat stagnating on my progress towards long-term personal (and professional) goals.  Lacking the ability to prioritize efficiently at all times.  Willingness to give in to what's easy, what's fun, what's pleasurable.  Time to "slow my roll", as it were, and find some discipline.  Putting these truths into writing is a small step in the right direction.

Related to this, I heard some sad news today about the health of a family member I am extremely close to.  You gotta appreciate your life, people.  You need to take advantage of your opportunities for happiness and experience, and you need to seize them with both hands and run as far as your feeble mortal body can carry you.  None of us are getting out of here alive.  Not you, and not me.


Life's too short, so love the one you got.  'Cause you might get run over, or you might... get... shot.


-Adam